Sport Talk 102.3FM - This Week's Feature Article source url: (6 feb 96)
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Storm watch: it needs to go

Jerre "Music Man" and Gary "The Doctor" Haskew

"Sport Talk" in Chattanooga, TN (Weekdays 4-7 p.m. on Real Radio FM 102.3)

Over the last week on our Sport Talk radio show, we have asked the listeners to call in and tell us the people or things that are driving them crazy in the world of sports and media and simply must go.

To minimize the effect of cabin fever brought on by the Ice Follies of 1996, the Doctor and the Hatchet Man present our Top 100 People and Things That Must Go.

In addition, we will give you postmortems on a few people and things that have already gone. If you have others whom you think should be on either list, fax us at Sport Talk, (423) 821-3979, e-mail us at, or write c/o the Times, PO Box 951, Chattanooga, TN 37401. Let's get 'em outta here.

They must go

  1. Storm Alert, Track and Watch: Weather war has reduced 27-inch TV screens to the size of a postage stamp. Who will be first to have a TV reporter standing nude in the snow at the Ridge Cut? What will the next big one be - the apocalypse or Armageddon?

  2. Chamberlain Field: Ninety years old and looking 100. Bathrooms still operate on gravity, and crabgrass-playing surface with only banked end zone in college football a fiasco. We can't wait for demolition in 1997. How big are those rats in its aged underbelly?

  3. Jerry Jones: Jerry, with ego as big as Texas Stadium, wants to be the star of the show. Barry Switzer is his puppet and Deion is his court jester. Get rid of him - funeral suit, gray tee shirt and those horrible commercials with Deion.

  4. Fabulous Sports Babe: ESPN made a tragic mistake of putting this national radio talk show hostess on TV. She would be the first 300-pound defensive tackle taken if she declared for the NFL draft.

  5. Soddy-Daisy police: This bunch, which is supposed to protect us from the harsh criminal element, seems to have more desire to spend its time harrassing high school football players and coaches from opposing schools. Those who do are nothing more than thugs in blue. And don't lose your way on Corridore J.

  6. Don King: He is probably the world's greatest promoter. He would have to be to get away with being as crooked as a dog's hind leg, according to law enforcement sources. Like Jones, he has to get his mug on TV after his "fighters" punch out more tomato cans than a landfill can hold.

  7. Lee Corso: ESPN analyst needs psychoanalysis. We suggest Dr. Sigmund Joe Bob Johnson of Sport Talk fame. Horrible coach, whose Louisville team lost to Memphis State, 61-0 where he threw in the towel. His hands fly as fast as his stupid commentary. Hook him.

  8. Bill Anderson: This longtime color man for John Ward's Tennessee football broadcasts has the nickname of "Bull," which appropriately describes his hapless commentary. The old Vol is at his best when he thumps the broadcast table. That means the opponents are making a big play.

  9. "Chief" Tom Kunesh: Self-styled spokesman for Native Americans (a.k.a. American Indians) reportedly attempting to "Dan Martino" UTC into getting rid of its mascot, Chief Mocanooga. Sources from various tribal councils know nothing of this publicity-seeker's background or authority to speak for Native Americans. Reliable sources say he is a native of Czechoslovakia.

  10. Marge Schott: Chain smoking owner of Cincinnati Reds creates giant cloud on first row in nonsmoking Riverfront Stadium. Secret ambition is to make team so bad she can take over as manager and play Schottze II, the St. Bernard, in center field. Will lung cancer get her before the angry Reds fans tar and feather her and the mutt?

    Worst of the rest

  11. Absculptor and Abdominizer
  12. Richard Simmons
  13. Robert Goulet basketball TV spots
  14. Nancy Kerrigan
  15. ESPY's on ESPN
  16. Football recruiting
  17. Deion Sanders
  18. Frank, Kathie Lee, Cody and Regis
  19. Bicycle cops at mall
  20. Goat man
  21. Art Modell
  22. Harry Caray
  23. Wally and the gravy
  24. Shawn Bradley
  25. Ric Flair
  26. Hulk Hogan
  27. Tony "Tomahawk" Branch
  28. Dale Brown
  29. 820-0700
  30. Dr. Jerry Punch
  31. "Ex Lax" I and II'
  32. Lubie Brown
  33. Paul McGuire
  34. Don Zimmer
  35. Ken Squirer
  36. Gene Stallings
  37. "McSofa" and "Chattafats" TV show
  38. Brent Musberger
  39. Red Auerbach
  40. Paul Gearinger
  41. Heywood Harris
  42. Keith Olberman
  43. Tommy Lasorda
  44. Dick Vermeil
  45. Johnny Chavis
  46. Ken Venturi
  47. Energizer Bunny
  48. Extreme games (ESPN 2)
  49. Bud Collins
  50. Stuffed crust pizza
  51. Thighmaster
  52. Beano Cook
  53. Jack Buck
  54. Forrest Davis
  55. Indoor lacrosse
  56. Cotton Fitzsimmons
  57. Covert Bailey & Health Rider
  58. Bob Griese
  59. Ned Jarrett
  60. Jackie Sherrill
  61. Joe Dean, Sr. & Jr.
  62. Tractor pulls
  63. Goodwill Games
  64. Mouse Davis
  65. Run and shoot
  66. Larry Merchant
  67. All McGuire
  68. Rodeos
  69. John Wayne reruns
  70. Tonya Harding
  71. Larry Holmes
  72. Dan Dierdorf
  73. Jerry Glansville
  74. Atlanta Falcons
  75. John Thompson
  76. Lou Holtz
  77. Andre Agassi
  78. Jack Lelane
  79. Jerry Tarkanian
  80. Billy Packer
  81. Buns of steel
  82. Dick Enberg
  83. Yogi Berra
  84. Frank Broyles
  85. Body by Jake
  86. James Bond reruns
  87. Dave Marcis
  88. Al Davis
  89. George Steinbrenner
  90. Vince Dooley
  91. Bobby Knight
  92. QVC Shopping Network
  93. Curling
  94. Madonna Cicione
  95. Butterbean
  96. Dave "Mr. Grease" Thomas
  97. "Coach" Jim Place
  98. The Hatchet Man
  99. The Doctor
  100. Black Scorpion


  1. Elvis
  2. Ben Write
  3. Sol Weingeroff
  4. Jimmy "The Greak" Snyder
  5. Kerry Kinsey
  6. Bob, Ingrid & Rebel
  7. Len Barker
  8. Buddy Ryan
  9. Randall "Tex" Cobb
  10. J. David Miller

Parting shot

Use of your imaginations, fans will help you and us attempt to digest these people and things that must go and the postmortems. If there are some of you who can't, call us on Sport Talk at 899-1023 from 4-7 p.m. Monday-Friday, and we will put you on the couch. Later, loons.

Copyright © 1996 The Haskew Company. Contact us at 5600 Brainerd Road, Suite G-30, Chattanooga, TN 37411. Tel: (423) 899-5111 Fax: (423) 899-1776 Or E-mail us at