Sport Talk 102.3FM - This Week's Feature Article
source url: http://www.pwgroup.com/sporttalk/st020696.html (6 feb 96)
Storm watch: it needs to go
Jerre "Music Man" and Gary "The Doctor"
Haskew
"Sport Talk" in Chattanooga, TN (Weekdays 4-7 p.m. on
Real Radio FM 102.3)
Over the last week on our Sport Talk radio show, we have asked the listeners to call in and tell us the people or things that are driving them crazy in the world of sports and media and simply must go.
To minimize the effect of cabin fever brought on by the Ice Follies of 1996, the Doctor and the Hatchet Man present our Top 100 People and Things That Must Go.
In addition, we will give you postmortems on a few people and things that have already gone. If you have others whom you think should be on either list, fax us at Sport Talk, (423) 821-3979, e-mail us at sporttalk@bizcafe.com, or write c/o the Times, PO Box 951, Chattanooga, TN 37401. Let's get 'em outta here.
They must go
- Storm Alert, Track and Watch: Weather war has reduced 27-inch TV screens to the size of a postage stamp. Who will be first to have a TV reporter standing nude in the snow at the Ridge Cut? What will the next big one be - the apocalypse or Armageddon?
- Chamberlain Field: Ninety years old and looking 100. Bathrooms still operate on gravity, and crabgrass-playing surface with only banked end zone in college football a fiasco. We can't wait for demolition in 1997. How big are those rats in its aged underbelly?
- Jerry Jones: Jerry, with ego as big as Texas Stadium, wants to be the star of the show. Barry Switzer is his puppet and Deion is his court jester. Get rid of him - funeral suit, gray tee shirt and those horrible commercials with Deion.
- Fabulous Sports Babe: ESPN made a tragic mistake of putting this national radio talk show hostess on TV. She would be the first 300-pound defensive tackle taken if she declared for the NFL draft.
- Soddy-Daisy police: This bunch, which is supposed to protect us from the harsh criminal element, seems to have more desire to spend its time harrassing high school football players and coaches from opposing schools. Those who do are nothing more than thugs in blue. And don't lose your way on Corridore J.
- Don King: He is probably the world's greatest promoter. He would have to be to get away with being as crooked as a dog's hind leg, according to law enforcement sources. Like Jones, he has to get his mug on TV after his "fighters" punch out more tomato cans than a landfill can hold.
- Lee Corso: ESPN analyst needs psychoanalysis. We suggest Dr. Sigmund Joe Bob Johnson of Sport Talk fame. Horrible coach, whose Louisville team lost to Memphis State, 61-0 where he threw in the towel. His hands fly as fast as his stupid commentary. Hook him.
- Bill Anderson: This longtime color man for John Ward's Tennessee football broadcasts has the nickname of "Bull," which appropriately describes his hapless commentary. The old Vol is at his best when he thumps the broadcast table. That means the opponents are making a big play.
- "Chief" Tom Kunesh: Self-styled spokesman for Native Americans (a.k.a. American Indians) reportedly attempting to "Dan Martino" UTC into getting rid of its mascot, Chief Mocanooga. Sources from various tribal councils know nothing of this publicity-seeker's background or authority to speak for Native Americans. Reliable sources say he is a native of Czechoslovakia.
- Marge Schott: Chain smoking owner of Cincinnati Reds creates giant cloud on first row in nonsmoking Riverfront Stadium. Secret ambition is to make team so bad she can take over as manager and play Schottze II, the St. Bernard, in center field. Will lung cancer get her before the angry Reds fans tar and feather her and the mutt?
Worst of the rest
- Absculptor and Abdominizer
- Richard Simmons
- Robert Goulet basketball TV spots
- Nancy Kerrigan
- ESPY's on ESPN
- Football recruiting
- Deion Sanders
- Frank, Kathie Lee, Cody and Regis
- Bicycle cops at mall
- Goat man
- Art Modell
- Harry Caray
- Wally and the gravy
- Shawn Bradley
- Ric Flair
- Hulk Hogan
- Tony "Tomahawk" Branch
- Dale Brown
- 820-0700
- Dr. Jerry Punch
- "Ex Lax" I and II'
- Lubie Brown
- Paul McGuire
- Don Zimmer
- Ken Squirer
- Gene Stallings
- "McSofa" and "Chattafats" TV show
- Brent Musberger
- Red Auerbach
- Paul Gearinger
- Heywood Harris
- Keith Olberman
- Tommy Lasorda
- Dick Vermeil
- Johnny Chavis
- Ken Venturi
- Energizer Bunny
- Extreme games (ESPN 2)
- Bud Collins
- Stuffed crust pizza
- Thighmaster
- Beano Cook
- Jack Buck
- Forrest Davis
- Indoor lacrosse
- Cotton Fitzsimmons
- Covert Bailey & Health Rider
- Bob Griese
- Ned Jarrett
- Jackie Sherrill
- Joe Dean, Sr. & Jr.
- Tractor pulls
- Goodwill Games
- Mouse Davis
- Run and shoot
- Larry Merchant
- All McGuire
- Rodeos
- John Wayne reruns
- Tonya Harding
- Larry Holmes
- Dan Dierdorf
- Jerry Glansville
- Atlanta Falcons
- John Thompson
- Lou Holtz
- Andre Agassi
- Jack Lelane
- Jerry Tarkanian
- Billy Packer
- Buns of steel
- Dick Enberg
- Yogi Berra
- Frank Broyles
- Body by Jake
- James Bond reruns
- Dave Marcis
- Al Davis
- George Steinbrenner
- Vince Dooley
- Bobby Knight
- QVC Shopping Network
- Curling
- Madonna Cicione
- Butterbean
- Dave "Mr. Grease" Thomas
- "Coach" Jim Place
- The Hatchet Man
- The Doctor
- Black Scorpion
Postmortems
- Elvis
- Ben Write
- Sol Weingeroff
- Jimmy "The Greak" Snyder
- Kerry Kinsey
- Bob, Ingrid & Rebel
- Len Barker
- Buddy Ryan
- Randall "Tex" Cobb
- J. David Miller
Parting shot
Use of your imaginations, fans will help you and us attempt to digest these people and things that must go and the postmortems. If there are some of you who can't, call us on Sport Talk at 899-1023 from 4-7 p.m. Monday-Friday, and we will put you on the couch. Later, loons.
Copyright © 1996 The Haskew Company. Contact
us at 5600 Brainerd Road, Suite G-30, Chattanooga, TN 37411. Tel:
(423) 899-5111 Fax: (423) 899-1776 Or E-mail us at SportTalk@bizcafe.com.